you have tamed me. [caden]

[AUDREY QUINN FARROW]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1f1f1] You have tamed me, now you must take me how am i supposed to be i don't have my thorns now When the kitchen clock chimed its hourly tune, Audrey blinked out of a thoughtful trance, staring for a moment at the living room in front of her. How long she had been zoning she wasn't sure... but she'd been doing a lot of zoning out, a lot of getting lost in her her ever flowing thought stream. She'd been doing a lot of strange things lately. She blamed the cigarettes, or lack thereof. Upon the reluctant permission of Caden, she had run to the closest store and bought the most expensive type of cigarettes she could find, almost as a way of rewarding herself for going two weeks and six days without it. Upon learning her roommates's disappointment in her habit of sneaking out at midnight to have a drag, she'd made a huge effort to quit. But things had gotten... weird. Because of the cigarettes, she was sure of it. She looked to the golden pack in her hand. They were what had pulled her into a trance before. After skipping merrily from the store back to her apartment, she had been so excited that she'd run up the stairs, humming to herself until she entered the door of her apartment. Then, depression set in, coming out of nowhere and hitting her like a ton of bricks. And after spending all that money... she didn't want them anymore. Thankfully, it was her money, so that took a little away from the guilt that was eating at her. She felt so dirty having them, but there was a craving inside her going "please please please please" at the same time... but it was like she could feel disappointment drifting from Caden's room, riding on the back of whatever tune she was hearing from there. She took a moment to really listen, quietly making her way to her room and changing into more comfortable clothing. He was making sure progress... she couldn't have been happier. Then to go smoke? What if she ruined his muse or something? 'You're being over dramatic' she scolded herself, pulling on a pair of shorts. She went to the kitchen, poured a glass of wine, and carried it to the door of his room, leaning against the door frame and listening. The talent flowing though her ears was undeniable. She could just see an agent hearing him, going 'wow', him landing a record deal. Audrey had big dreams for Caden. Even bigger than the ones she'd had for herself. After the song was done, she knocked on the door frame, smiling a bit, hoping he wasn't angry with her or anything. For what reason, she didn't know... there was a chance he could be mad. Not that he'd ever gotten really mad before, it was just she didn't want to upset him and the cigarettes (which she left in her room) would upset him, or remind him of something that she'd done before because she had been acting really strange, and he had been seeming a little distant, or maybe just... She sighed mentally. Since she could remember she over-thought things, but in her interactions with other people, lately, she'd been awkward. And Caden, being her roommate, was the sad victim of strange questions, odd attitudes, and random mood swings. It was withdrawal doing this to her. She just knew it. "That one's really coming along. I think its a tweak and a twinge away from perfection." And a sunset couldn't save me now tags: caden! outfit: here lyrics: baobabs, regina spektor <3 this template was made by madcap @ caution.

[CADEN MICAH LAWRENCE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll153/tokyotabby/Grey.jpg); border: solid #ffffff 4px; width: 250px; height: 650px;] it feels like something is takes over me it had really been a ordeal trying to get used to learning to live with a girl. not that audrey was particularly hard to get along with, it was just different. they had their own set ways and how things were suppose to look. then there was the feminine things that caden had no idea about. he hadn't seen her naked coming from the shower or vise versa, yet so he guessed things were running as smoothly as they could. they hadn't fault and they had even done some things on their list. it was actually quiet an eye opener for him, this trip. just like it should be. it allowed him to work on his music and heal at the same time. this had been a great idea and he had lost now who's idea it really had been. the only thing he would change is audrey's moodiness. sometimes she seemed a little passive-aggressive. he had wondered if he had done anything wrong, but then he realized that it was probably that she hadn't had her cigarette yet. he had kind of fixed on that. telling the landlord that no one smoked so they couldn't up the price. he was evil, but audrey didn't put up too much of a fuss over it. now he was in his room, writing a song. nothing in particular at the moment, just something about life. he was singing it all the way through, crossing out words and putting some in as he sung it aloud, playing his guitar. he had already seen a few people to get his music out there. it was also nice to have a critic in the apartment to tell him if he sucked or not. audrey was his best audience and he hoped that he was making her proud. it was sappy to even think this, but she had really been the reason why he had gotten back into after his attempt. he'd almost forgotten what made him happy, what he had a passion for. and she reminded him. each and everyday she did. it was nice to remember what kind of life he had before he was dragged into it making sure he was keeping up his family's business. as he finished up the song, he heard a knock on his door frame. a smile instantly formed on his lips as he looked up to the skinny blonde leaning against it. thanks. he said, as he looked at what was in her hand. wine. he looked down at his guitar. she must be in need of a smoke and she was making herself stop. he wondered if he was actually, slowly but surely, getting her to stop all together. she only ever smoked when he wasn't around and it was always outside. and he had noticed that she didn't even do that much anymore. maybe that was his secret plan to do that. caden really didn't like smoking anyways. it was nasty and kissing a girl that smoked was another thing. he didn't like kissing an ashtray. not that he had ever kissed audrey, he was just looking out for other guys... yeah. the other guys. it is coming along rather well. i'm glad you like it. i'm doing some last minute touches on it. i think i'll be able to record it by the end of the week. as soon as i go home and close the door WORDS: 561 TAGGED: audrey OUTFIT: sig MUSIC: nothing atm NOTES <33 template made by mikey is a lady killer ?! @ caution 2.0, steal it and she'll send zombie pandas to eat your brains!

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[AUDREY QUINN FARROW]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1f1f1] You have tamed me, now you must take me how am i supposed to be i don't have my thorns now Audrey noticed him look at the wine. Was that bad? Did he not want her drinking, too? Well hell, what was she supposed to do instead? Maybe she should start jogging or something... no she hated jogging. Maybe she should get some exercise tape... where was she supposed to find those, though... She'd blanked a moment, distracted by her rapid thought process, but forced herself back into concentration and stepped into the room. It did her good to see this sight: Caden, with a guitar, that smile on his face. He radiated peace, and happiness. It wasn't like he was acting bubbly... he was never really bubbly. Just... simply happy. At last. "This should be like... your 'hit single' sort of song. The one you make the biggest deal. Really, its one of the best... and all of them have been really good, so that really means something..." A thought occurred to her. If he thought she was just saying these things to be saying them, to make him feel better, he was wrong. Still... it might come out like that, perhaps. That was why she said it was a tweak and a twinge away from perfection. In her mind she really thought it perfect enough... just hearing him sing at all was enough. Really, he could sing Ring around the Rosy and make her happy. He just had one of those voices... and being fairly untrained, due to being absorbed in law all his life, it was amazing. People went through training since they could speak and didn't sound as good as him. Raw talent, and as he kept getting more and more into it, the "it" factor. He was just naturally humble, and likable. Thinking about it even made her smile. So many people were going to fall in love with him... girls, especially. God she could just see the fan girls already, screaming whenever he breathed. He was the type... attractive. Did he have the best body in the world? Well, he was no Arnold Schwarzenegger build wise, but she'd never complained before. Why would she, he was certainly attractive. She was... attracted to him. In a friend sort of way, at least. It was sort of an undeniable fact, in her mind. She'd always found him quite easy to look at. "Any hopefuls, yet?" she asked, drinking the rest of her drink before remembering what it was, and making a face. Too much in one swig... way too much. She wrinkled her nose, then blinked, smiling at him to reassure him she was ok. He didn't think she was an alcoholic, did he? She just liked wine... and vodka and cranberry. White Russians, martinis, Bloody Marys, hard lemonades... and many, many other things. Was she an alcoholic? It was actually a question that had plagued her for awhile, but she always brushed it away so quickly. Why was it bothering her now? "If someone doesn't make you famous soon, I'm gonna be pissed" she said, frowning a moment before giving a smile. Was that too much? She certainly didn't want to seem fake. If he did become famous though... what would happen? He wouldn't need her anymore... would he? He was getting along with his music... would he even really even need her in a month or so? Would she go back to... Her smile faded to an almost sad look as her mind drifted again, and she looked out the window, the empty glass to her lips as she blinked out at the sinking sun. And a sunset couldn't save me now tags: caden! outfit: here lyrics: baobabs, regina spektor <3 this template was made by madcap @ caution.

[CADEN MICAH LAWRENCE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll153/tokyotabby/Grey.jpg); border: solid #ffffff 4px; width: 250px; height: 650px;] it feels like something is takes over me caden wasn't the type of person to tell someone what to do. he had that enough in his own life and didn't feel like it was his place to tell anyone what do to. plus, he hated it when his parents had told him that he was going to to this and became a lawyer for them and work in the firm like every other lawrence guy had done. he had enough of rules and expectations, so he wasn't big on setting them up for anyone else. and he really hadn't told audrey to stop smoking, it was just cheaper and he also didn't like the apartment to start smelling like smoke. the walls were white, so he didn't want them to turn yellow. the wine was fine, he just had wished she had brought him some. but he was working a song and getting any type of distractions would impede his journey. he chuckled. i don't know about that one, but i'll try to see it that way. he didn't know if this was going to be his hit single or not, but he did hope that it got him a deal. he had been trying for several months to get a break, but nothing as of yet. maybe he needed to go to la or new york. but he really didn't want to go back to the city that his family was in. caden knew he'd probably get sucked in again if he did. and he probably would have to succeed the second time around because audrey wouldn't survive the second time. he wasn't very confident in his music yet, but that might because of his lack of confidence in his self. audrey always seemed much more confident about him then he ever was. which he appreciated because he really needed the support. he didn't find himself attractive, nor did he know he had any looks that would bring in the girls. he had never really had much trouble finding girls, but he had just chalked it up to luck, not his looks. he looked down at some of the lyrics and smiled back up at her when she asked if there were any hopefuls. yeah, maybe. just got to be persistent. thats all. he knew it was going to take some time and patience in the music business, no one got everything for nothing. he just happened to look at her when she wrinkled her nose, and he couldn't help but chuckle. too much for you? i'm surprised it not something more potent. and why didn't you bring me any? didn't want to share? he chuckled, teasing her. they seemed like this most of the time, when audrey wasn't in one of her weird moods. lately, caden couldn't even talk to her with out going off on him and walking away. she was way more moody and he didn't know why. maybe because she couldn't smoke in the apartment? maybe. he wasn't in a big hurry to get famous. he just wanted to love what he was doing and he loved writing and playing music. he just hoped everyone else did. caden watched her and it seemed like he wasn't even in the room any more. he frowned. are you okay audrey? he said concerned. he wasn't sure what was going on with her, or even if she would open up to him, but he had to at least try. she had been there for him when he needed it, still was, so why couldn't he return the favor? as soon as i go home and close the door WORDS: 592 TAGGED: audrey OUTFIT: sig MUSIC: nothing atm NOTES <33 template made by mikey is a lady killer ?! @ caution 2.0, steal it and she'll send zombie pandas to eat your brains!

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[AUDREY QUINN FARROW]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1f1f1] You have tamed me, now you must take me how am i supposed to be i don't have my thorns now One thing that bothered Audrey about Caden, considering not much about him bugged her at all, was his confidence problem. She had worked hard to try to boost it, to show him that he was better than he thought he was in many areas, to make him feel good about himself. It had occurred to her that it could have been one of the problems. Why he had tried... what he tried. That day seemed so far away now... the day she'd walked into the hospital, hands trembling, asking for his room and discovering she was the only one he would allow to visit. Seeing him there in that bed... talking to him... and him asking her to go to Hawaii with him. And here they were, months later. Some days she woke up, stared out her window and wondered if this was all a wonderful dream she would tragically wake from. Everything had been do relaxing. The whole trip was meant for Caden, but it had really helped her, too. Except in the smoking department... but in his mind, that was probably improving her, too. Audrey had thought a lot lately about improving herself as a person. Sadly, this made her do things she hadn't really done as much before: second guess herself, question her thoughts, actions and habits. And all these things made her a bit unstable. Before, she'd smoke it off. Now... now she had time to think about it. The confidence she had built up to protect her was slowly crumbling, threatened by... something. What was it, though? The "are you okay" distracted her from her thoughts, and she turned her head to him, dazed for a moment before blinking back into reality. "Um... yeah. Looks pretty out, that's all. Do you want some wine?" she said, standing and looking at her empty glass, "I could get you some.." She started to head for the door, but stopped, biting her lip as she turned around to him. "... Cade? If you do get signed, where will you go from there? You're more than likely going to leave here and you're not going to go home... are you tak-... never mind." She shook her head, turning away and moving into the kitchen, grabbing a glass for him in silence. She was plagued by thoughts, by possibilities. Would she go with him? Where was she supposed to go when he made it? Back to work? For some reason, that thought bugged her. It made her grip the class a little tighter than usual, and close the drawer a little harder. Was she just supposed to go back to work and pretend nothing happened? Well nothing did happen... in respect to... 'I'm going crazy, I can't even make sense of me...' she thought, biting her lip. She returned to Caden's room with the wine, holding it out to him but keeping her distance. "... Do I annoy you? Like... am I hard to live with?" she blurted, then looked down at her feet, feeling her face grow hot. Where had that come from? He was sure to ask... but to be honest, she didn't really know. Her own mind was betraying her these days... or was there something she was just overlooking. The spontaneous questions and random outbursts were all because of something, and she knew perfectly well what it was. But in thinking about it... well. She just didn't know. Her mind would skip to something else and she'd forget. She didn't feel as comfortable around Caden as she once had, and it was nothing he did, she knew that. There was a disconnect somewhere... And a sunset couldn't save me now tags: caden! outfit: here lyrics: baobabs, regina spektor <3 this template was made by madcap @ caution.

[CADEN MICAH LAWRENCE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll153/tokyotabby/Grey.jpg); border: solid #ffffff 4px; width: 250px; height: 650px;] it feels like something is takes over me caden really hadn't had much of a support system. not with his family, not with his friends and certainly not with girls. audrey seemed like the only person that seemed to care about whether he lived or died, and he knew that one from personal experience. but he couldn't and wouldn't put himself against that again. it seemed a very long time ago and even now he wasn't the same person he was then. he had grown a little, maybe because he now could breathe or maybe because he had audrey to help him along in his journey. whatever happened here in hawaii or even afterwards, he'd never forget what she had done for him. he hoped that she would find her own dreams and a guy that could care for her the way that she needed, giving her all the cigarettes her heart desired. because she had given him so much. friendship when he needed it, advice, criticism. he was in debt to her forever, even though she probably didn't think of it that way. but that guy she would find, he'd be a very lucky guy to be able to hang on to her because he had a feeling that audrey wasn't the type of girl that just went out with any guy. she was a free spirit. and that was what caden liked about her. her ability to whatever she wanted and she didn't really care as long as it made her happy. he hoped he could find that same joy. caden hadn't really thought about relationships because he felt he was so unstable and not capable of feeling any joy like that again for someone. He had sex, sure, but nothing that gave him that feeling that he had to have the girl around him all the time. he had audrey around and that was enough for him for now. plus it was already like they were together in some instances. like they would fight and make up, though the only draw back was no make up sex. his question was of concern. she didn't seem like she was herself lately and he wanted to know if he had done something to her to make her act that way. he would never know unless she told him. for some reason, caden felt she had lied to him about the outside being pretty. sure it might have been, but that was not what was on her mind. before he could answer her question about the wine, she was moving and saying his name once again. he looked at her as she spoke, tilting his head at her words. what if he did get signed? would she go with him? is that what she meant? but before he could clarify, audrey was gone. he had a moment to think about it. of course he would ask her, not that he expected her to come. she had already moved away from her family and friends, he couldn't expect her to go around the whole world with him. she'd probably wanted to go home, hell, she probably wanted to do right this moment. he sighed, talking his guitar strap around him and setting it in the case. he then closed it and slid the case underneath his bed. he all of a sudden didn't have any muse to continue his songwriting. but before he could get stand up to join her in the kitchen, she was back. then she blurted out something he wasn't expecting. what do you mean are you annoying? where did that come from? he asked, looking over at her concerned. he then got up, after taking his wine glass and setting it down on the bedside table. walking over to her, he saw that her face was red, embarrassment. no, you aren't annoying or hard to live with. but i am worried about the mood swings. have i done something to upset you? if i did, i'm sorry. is it because you can't smoke in the apartment? i'll go down right now to tell him that we smoke... his brain was working in overtime, trying to come up with ways to make her happy or to make her laugh. as soon as i go home and close the door WORDS: 703 TAGGED: audrey OUTFIT: sig MUSIC: nothing atm NOTES <33 template made by mikey is a lady killer ?! @ caution 2.0, steal it and she'll send zombie pandas to eat your brains!

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[AUDREY QUINN FARROW]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1f1f1] You have tamed me, now you must take me how am i supposed to be i don't have my thorns now While far fetched, the question wasn't completely random. It had been stirring in her mind for awhile. It would make sense if he was. Mood swings, grumbling about not being able to smoke, all the "never minds" and unfinished sentences. Hell, she was annoyed with herself for all of it. So when he said it didn't bother him, well... it was a little hard for her to believe. Not that he'd purposely lie to her out of spite. He was probably just trying to keep her calm or something, not wanting to have to deal with another tantrum. God, how could anyone stand her? She was a wreck. She'd been a wreck since her junior year, after the surgery... holding back emotions wasn't as easy as it once was. Audrey used to be the strong one in the house, the stable one who made sure things were all good at all times. Now, it felt like Caden was bearing that burden. And she certainly, certainly didn't want that... But she just couldn't shake the rain cloud that had been hoovering recently. When he got up, she looked down at her feet, biting her lip to keep from responding right away, from trying to defend herself or blow it off as a "forget it" and storm off as she was prone to do nowadays. When he started throwing out questions and options, she almost smiled. It was close, a ghost of a flicker twitched at her lips, but her mood held it down. He was so cute when he did that, made those proclamations. He used to do that when she'd complain about a boyfriend, and soon, she'd be laughing and whatever was bothering her would melt away. This time, though... whatever it was wouldn't go away. She couldn't escape it, like she used to be able to. She would go over to Caden's house and feel better, or drag him out to a bar and feel better, or go walking in the park or smoke on a bench and feel better. She had tried everything lately, but nothing helped anymore. Whatever it was she couldn't get away. "... Its ok" Audrey shook her head, moving her hair away from her face. He'd stepped up to her, she noticed. Her stomach felt weird, lips parting to say something, but closing right back. There was a pause, and she sighed, "Its fine um... I've just felt hard to live with recently. You don't have to lie, because I know its gotta be hard to live with..." She bit her lip again, then looked right back to her feet, looking between his feet and her feet as she spoke. "I feel like I... distract you. Do you... want me around? Because maybe its time... I mean if you want me to... go..." The words came out choppy, in pieces, like she'd cut up a big sentence, rearranged it and spit it out in chunks. They didn't feel like they made sense. But what came out was a long term fear, one of those things that she'd supposed before. She was asking to see if he wanted her to go... not that she wanted to. If he acted indifferent, she decided, maybe it was about time she packed her bags. But there was a stomach churning fear that he would answer that. And she felt like if he did? She was going to puke. Audrey didn't want Caden to want her to go. "Just tell me." she finally finished, looking at him with a strong voice and a blank expression, not wanting to sway him either way, "When you need me to go, just let me know. I don't want to smother you or your creativity." And a sunset couldn't save me now tags: caden! outfit: here lyrics: baobabs, regina spektor <3 this template was made by madcap @ caution.

[CADEN MICAH LAWRENCE]

Jul 31, 2011 20:38:45 GMT -5 CADEN MICAH LAWRENCE said:

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll153/tokyotabby/Grey.jpg); border: solid #ffffff 4px; width: 250px; height: 650px;] it feels like something is takes over me Caden didn’t think he could ever get annoyed or tired of Audrey. It was true that she had become sort of weird lately. But caden had brushed it off that she wasn’t smoking like she wanted to. But he hadn’t stopped her from doing so, he wasn’t entirely sure why it was effecting her. Maybe she was getting tired of him. Maybe living with him wasn’t what she wanted. Maybe instead of telling the landloard that they smoked, he should look into getting her own apartment. He’d pay for the rent for her if that was what made her happy. But it could be something more. Maybe she was now coming to resent the fact that he had dragged her to Hawaii. That she didn’t want to be here in on the island at all, not just living with him. Caden’s self-confidence was shattering. Litte by little, piece by piece. And now that he was really thinking about her mood swings, and her bringing up the fact that he was tired of her, it lead him to believe that she was actually talking more about herself and how he was the one that was a pain to live with. He tried to quickly brainstorm what kind of mood he had been in. of course he wasn’t cheery, he had never been, but these last few months, he had been more like his old self than ever before. And he thought that she liked his old self. But maybe he was mistaken. He couldn’t help but to look helpless. He wasn’t able to make her laugh, so he knew this was serious. The ‘ok’ that she gave wasn’t enough for him. What had he done to screw this up? He had already screwed up everything else in his life, why not his friendship with Audrey. That was the only thing that was left for him, besides his music, and even now he didn’t think he’d have the inspiration to write once she was gone. You aren’t distracting me. He looked at her, pleading with her with his eyes to let him in on her secrets. Why was she doing this? Pushing him away? I would never want you to go Audrey. You are the reason why I’m still alive. He said quietly, looking down at an imaginary spot on the floor. This was getting a little too emotional for him and he didn’t do good with emotions, which was why he had done what he had done before. If things were going badly, he’d rather her end this right now to put him out of his misery. If she wanted out, then that was fine, just say it. He sighed, pulling back. Audrey I can’t stop you if you want to go. If you feel like you need to leave, then do it. I only want you to be happy, whether that be with me or somewhere away from me. If would almost sound sweet if caden wasn’t contemplating ways that he could get away with it this time without anyone knowing while he was saying it. It seemed that he wasn’t completely over his feelings of uselessness. And this thing with Audrey, the one person he thought could stand being around him or even being with him not wanting to anymore, well it strung like a bitch. Audrey hadn’t been smothering his creativity. In fact, though he probably wouldn’t have admitted this to anyone, she was his inspiration for a lot of his music. And he was scraed that she would see right through him when he played a song for her. Almost every song he sung reminded him of her in some way. The lyric, a melody, something. as soon as i go home and close the door WORDS: 619 TAGGED: audrey OUTFIT: sig MUSIC: nothing atm NOTES <33 template made by mikey is a lady killer ?! @ caution 2.0, steal it and she'll send zombie pandas to eat your brains!

[/td][/tr][/table][/center][/quote]

[AUDREY QUINN FARROW]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1f1f1] You have tamed me, now you must take me how am i supposed to be i don't have my thorns now The look Caden gave Audrey almost ripped her heart in two. It was the look he'd given her after confessing everything that day in the hospital, saying what he'd try to do, why he'd done it. And he just sat there, looking so... She'd said yes to that face. It was the same face that asked her to go to Hawaii, too. An irrisistable face... almost like a puppy dog face. Her weakness. The pukey feeling didn't go away. Actually, as the conversation progressed, she felt worse and worse. When he spoke, she went and sat on his bed, wrapping her arms around her stomach and looking to her socks. "You're the reason I'm still alive" Her heart skipped a beat, but her body only tensed. She didn't look up or react any other way. Everything she was feeling was stuck internally, jumbled together and tangled, not making sense. It was a wonder she was so confused and emotional: because she'd been holding back feelings to long, they were building to a breaking point. And Audrey was quickly cracking. She listened to the rest of his response, the optimistic and pessimistic angels on each shoulder in a heated battle. He could just be saying those things to be nice, to try to let her down easy. But... Caden wasn't like that. He did care... why wouldn't he care? He always cared. But her attitude had been so obnoxious lately... maybe, he didn't want to completely destroy their friendship and thought it was best to leave. But as the battle persisted, she came upon a realization: it didn't matter what he thought. She had a choice to make, one she'd set up for herself. Why all this? All these questions she was throwing at him... maybe they were questions she wanted to ask herself, but reflected on him in fear of having to answer them. Like why would she suddenly feel as if Caden was uncomfortable with her being there? Maybe because she was uncomfortable being there. Her mind was finally sorting things out. Her fists clenched as her attention converted to complete internal, trying to find the answer through the mess. So she was suddenly getting uncomfortable being there. It made sense. The nights she'd come home and stand at Caden's door, listening to him play music or quietly sort a piece out. No matter what she heard, good, bad, frustration, inspiration, she wanted to listen, and she felt tempted to go in and listen. But personal space had become a big deal to her, and not even about her. She was uncertain about how much he wanted. 'When the hell did that start to matter' Audrey thought, finally looking up to him. That look. He just wanted an answer. What a bitchy and selfish thing to do, dodging the pending answer like she was. Of course she wanted to stay. She couldn't bear the thought of being back home and Caden being here by himself. But if it was best for him, maybe she should leave. Even though he didn't want her to. "Why?" The question came from within, slithering up from her thought process. She took a deep breath, and looked again to her socks. It was a question to herself, one she didn't mean to slip out. Biting her lip, she stood, shaking her head. "Never mind..." That again. So many "never minds" these days. Rejecting whatever she wanted to spit out. 'You know exactly what you want to say' said a voice inside her, and she cringed at it, holding her stomach tighter. It came from the place where her stomach was twisted in knots, where she felt pukey and where all the emotions were churning. There were tears in her eyes. "... Would you miss me bad?" she asked, her voice soft and timid like a shy child. It even sounded childish, the way she asked. But it felt like the best way to sort things out was to start simple. She had a feeling the answer would turn out that way, too. Simple. And a sunset couldn't save me now tags: caden! outfit: here lyrics: baobabs, regina spektor <3 this template was made by madcap @ caution.

[CADEN MICAH LAWRENCE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll153/tokyotabby/Grey.jpg); border: solid #ffffff 4px; width: 250px; height: 650px;] it feels like something is takes over me He didn’t mean to make Audrey feel bad. In fact, he just wanted to make her happy. But he seemed to be doing a horrible job of it.he wasn’t a good comforter, he was getting that now. He watched her sit on his bed, wrapping her arms around herself. He was making things worse. Maybe he should just leave, leave to make it better. That was what she wanted. Wasn’t it? She had hinted to it. If she didn’t want to leave him then she wanted him to leave. The nudge was subtle enough, but he got it. If you want me to leave, then just say it. He said, watching her. If it makes you happy, I won’t deny it to you. He didn’t look at her when he said this because he wasn’t able too. He felt disappointed, in him, because Audrey was suppose to be the girl that would stick by him through anything and now she didn’t. he had failed to even keep one person close. It wasn’t worth it anymore. He sighed, moving towards the door. Nothing was going to make this feeling go away in the pit of his stomach now. He had thought things were great, but apparently it wasn’t. I’m sorry if I did anything to make you feel like you shouldn’t be here. He watched as her fist clinched. Apparently he was also making her mad. She wasn’t making much sense now, he wondered why she had asked him that question, but then she said nevermind and he sighed. He didn’t know what to do now, should he stay or should he go? He turned away, walking to the door. I’ll leave you alone. He said, moving past his set of keys to get into the apartment. He might not even come back once he left because he didn’t think he could handle watching her like this. He didn’t want to kill what little thread their friendship stood on, if there was anything left. And because she wasn’t really talking to him, he didn’t know what was going on. He felt maybe she had offered him a way out because Audrey wanted him to leave and that was they only way she could think of telling him. But her question stopped him in his tracks. Would he miss her? Of course, but it seemed like it didn’t matter to her much anymore. She just wanted to throw him away like so many others had done before. And maybe he had hoped for too much. Maybe it had put too much on her. Of course she didn’t want to be his soul support system, of course she didn’t want to move away from her family to god knows where. Of course she didn’t like to be around him. Of course he would miss her because he relied on her way too much then he even knew. He turned to look at her. Audrey I would. Very much so. He breathed his last three words. Not knowing what else to say. He just stood there. Unable to move, backwards to the door or forwards to her. He was in limbo. What the hell was going on because he had no idea what she wanted. as soon as i go home and close the door WORDS: 541 TAGGED: audrey OUTFIT: sig MUSIC: nothing atm NOTES <33 template made by mikey is a lady killer ?! @ caution 2.0, steal it and she'll send zombie pandas to eat your brains!

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[AUDREY QUINN FARROW]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1f1f1] You have tamed me, now you must take me how am i supposed to be i don't have my thorns now Audrey just looked at him as he spoke. He looked awful, like disappointed awful, and when their eyes met someone could have stabbed her in the heart and she wouldn't have felt it because of how awful she felt for her words. 'If it makes you happy' he said... God, she'd messed everything up. Everything had to be fifty times more complicated than it was for her these days. A comment couldn't just be a comment, it was a comment with some hidden meaning she had to discover. A smile couldn't be a smile, it had a double intent, something beneath the surface. She didn't trust a yes or a no, and maybes nearly killed her. And any sort of out of the ordinary action, no matter how subtle or insignificant, stayed in her mind for days on end. This was supposed to be a vacation, but as usual she had to mess it up, like everything else, by thinking too much. She just couldn't accept anything was what it was because there was so much hope that the thing she said meant more... Her mind snapped to attention, cleared like a heavy sinus had been looming over her. As much as she worked herself up, she may as well have been sick. But that was it. There is was. She wanted to see how much Caden cared. And she couldn't use any other excuse. All of this drama was her awful, bitchy, selfish way of trying to see if there was anything more behind his actions, his words, and the extremes were to drive the answers he'd been concealing so long... or rather to draw the answers she'd been concealing so long within herself. 'I am a terrible bitch...' she thought, just watching him walk away for a second, too wrapped up in her own thoughts to react. Everything was on slow motion as all the thought's she'd been concealing started to surface. He had trusted her to be there for him, to help him get through this moment. Her, of all people. No family, no other friends...she should have known being so close to him for such a time would eventually evolve into something. Before, it was easier. She could just say "All right, I gotta go" if she felt things were getting further than platonic. It didn't work so well here... and it was wearing on her sanity. Of course she'd known all along... but she needed excuses because she didn't want to admit that she was that weak, that fragile. She was supposed to be the strong one... "Audrey I would. Very much so" Her eyes stayed on him a moment, then she stood, slowly, as if she was aching all over and approached him, her face blank. He didn't make any move to go, but she grabbed his wrist, biting her lip and looking to the floor. What was she supposed to say? Admitting what she'd admitted to herself could make things worse. She'd have to go back if he didn't feel the same way...and he'd made no indication he did. It was so much easier with other guys; they'd grin at her, flirt, wink, use cheesy pick up lines. She and Caden were so peaceful it had been hard for her to even tell that she was developing a "more than friends" feeling for him. She was too scared to move, speak, anything. She just stood there, holding his wrist, searching for words. None would come to her. And a sunset couldn't save me now tags: caden! outfit: here lyrics: baobabs, regina spektor <3 this template was made by madcap @ caution.

[CADEN MICAH LAWRENCE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll153/tokyotabby/Grey.jpg); border: solid #ffffff 4px; width: 250px; height: 650px;] it feels like something is takes over me She wasn’t saying anything to him. So caden assumed that him leaving was exactly what she wanted. it shouldn’t have come to a shock to him really. He repealed everyone. And eventually, Audrey would be the same way. The was planning in his head. What was he going to do? Obviously he’d have to get a new apartment, or a hotel room. He could go back to his family. Start back over as a lawyer. But that wasn’t what he wanted to do because he knew if he ever went back; it would mean that he lost the battle. It would have meant that he had given up. But hadn’t he? If Audrey was giving up on him, then he would have no choice to give up. She seemed like she was the only person that supported him in what he was doing and he needed that. More than anything. But here she was, taking that away. It kind of seemed like he was pathetic, but Caden never realized just how much he relied on her. For everything. But he watched her walk up to him and stood. Maybe his last sentence had caught her attention. Maybe she was actually going to say something. Anything. But instead, she just grabbed his wrist, his eyes fluttering up to hers. What was she doing? Going to punch him or throw him against a wall? Caden was strong, so he hardly thought that she’d be able to do that even if she wanted, but she made no attempt at it either. He sighed, watching her. She was not saying a word, and they were just standing there. A good minutes pasted before he moved away from her. I’ll get my things later. The apartment it paid for the next six months. Use it. He pulled his wrist away from her and walked out of the room. As much as it hurt him to understand that he was causing her distress, it hurt him worse that he had to walk away from her. But she had wanted this. She made no attempt to tell him that what he was saying was false, so he assumed it was all true. All he knew was that Audrey wanted him gone. And gone he would be. He was in the living room now. His head was swimming. He didn’t have a car, or any other friends here. He didn’t know where he was going to stay. Maybe he might have to go ahead and by that plane ticket. His family would probably lecture him for leaving but they would make sure he was back in the lawyer’s office that Monday morning. And maybe that was the key now. Running back to want he couldn’t stand so he wouldn’t have to hurt with what he almost had. Life was vicious. as soon as i go home and close the door WORDS: 472 TAGGED: audrey OUTFIT: sig MUSIC: nothing atm NOTES <33 template made by mikey is a lady killer ?! @ caution 2.0, steal it and she'll send zombie pandas to eat your brains!

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[AUDREY QUINN FARROW]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1f1f1] You have tamed me, now you must take me how am i supposed to be i don't have my thorns now Panic. That's what had happened. There were so many things that needed to be said and no words to use to say it, it felt, so Audrey just stood there. And when he walked away, all she could do was reach, watching his back go. 'Watching his back go...' A day or two before the incident... no. She couldn't hide from it anymore. The suicide attempt. A few days before, when she'd last seen Caden, she's asked him if he was all right, that he'd seemed down. He acted nonchalant, or as nonchalant as he could, and walked into the distance, and she just watched him leave. Much like now. And last time, it was almost her final time seeing him. Thinking that it might happend again right now... Audrey ran, full on sprinted up to him, colliding into his back as she wrapped her arms around his torso, burying her face in his back. Her heart was pounding something crazy, and she was shaking. It took a second, but she just needed words, any words, anything to make him stay. She refused to lose him again. "You can't... I don't... you... aren't... I don't want to you to." Something intellectual. That was positive. She swallowed a lump in her throat, but tears were already escaping from the corners of her eyes. "I... I don't want you to go... or me to go... or us to go anywhere but here... I just want to be here Caden but I..." But she what? This was something new. Conveying emotions such as these wasn't an easy task. She was usually the one having guys run after her, separating herself from emotion and acting pompous about it. This was a great slap in the face and a kick to the ego for her. She felt small and worthless there clinging to Caden as if she'd die if she let go. "...I can't lose you again. I'm too afraid to lose you and too afraid to admit that... I need you...no. Too much of a bitch... god, I'm such a bitch..." She stepped back, putting her face in her hands as she tried to compose herself. This was raw emotion right here, unchecked and uncontrolled. This was nothing like Audrey. She was disgusting herself. "You mean... so much to me... so, so, so much... I was so afraid when I heard you'd tried... I drove over and I just kept getting these images of... what if you had? And if you had... I don't know what I'd do because my life without you would be..." She shook her head, as if trying to shake those images away. "And I don't act like I care enough but Caden... I care too much. More than I should, I..." In Audrey's head, she felt like she was saying the same thing over and over. But that was because she was avoiding saying the thing she wanted to say directly. Even in this state she had enough pride left to be afraid... or was it just fear? Rejection was something Audrey avoided at all costs. It never happened because she never let it happen. To her, this was the biggest risk she'd ever taken. "I'm scared. That... if I say here..." she said, hugging herself, "If I... stay here I won't be able to... hide... anymore... exactly how much I... care about you... because every day I'm around you the feeling of leaving this and not being with you anymore grows more and more, and it scares the shit out of me to a point where it hurts... because I love being Hawaii. I love living here. I love that I left everything behind and that I'm here with you. I love..." She stopped, shook her head, and took a step back. Her hands were shaking, but she hugged herself to stop them, then looked to the floor, shaking her head. "I've been awful. You should... leave... I can't be helping. You're probably better off..." You've spoken too much snapped a voice inside her, and she turned one eighty on her heel and walked straight into her room without another word, closing her door behind her and flopping face first on her bed. She pulled a pillow over her head, groaning at her own stupidity. God, she felt like a teenager. As immature as she'd acted, she might as well be. And a sunset couldn't save me now tags: caden! outfit: here lyrics: baobabs, regina spektor <3 this template was made by madcap @ caution.

[CADEN MICAH LAWRENCE]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image:url(http://i287.photobucket.com/albums/ll153/tokyotabby/Grey.jpg); border: solid #ffffff 4px; width: 250px; height: 650px;] it feels like something is takes over me He didn’t want to leave. No. but she was making it impossible to stay. She wasn’t going to talk to him about what was going on and he had no choice but to think that she didn’t want him around. So he was going to make it easier on the both of them. Leave. Never go back. Life would be easier for her if she didn’t have to go baby Caden anymore. She could live her life the way she wanted to. She probably didn’t have any other friends here or even enjoyed it here because Caden demanded so much of her time. He really should have known that a twenty two year old female wouldn’t want to babysit a twenty four year old grown man. She wanted to have experience in her own life, live her own life. And who was Caden to stop her? He was only crushing her if he did. So he would let her go. Let her be and do whoever and whatever she wanted. He cared for her enough to walk away from this. He’d probably go back home then. Get his own place, then… deal. That would be the word for it. Sure, he had his music, but he didn’t really feel like that anymore. He, in sort of a way, lost his purpose, his sense of life again. Just like before. He thought he was getting better, but her wanting him to leave just was a slap in the face. Amoung other things. What he wasn’t expecting was the collision of his body and hers as she wrapped her arms around his chest from behind. Maybe she had changed her mind. Her words were jumbled, but he could make sense of them. Caden had known her long enough to know what she was talking about even when no one else could. She trailed off at the but.. but she what? She wanted them to stay, here together, but she… had to take a break? Wanted to smoke a cigarette? What? When she spoke again, he cringed at her words. It was a good thing she couldn’t see his face because he was unable to hide that kind of emotion. He hadn’t realized how much he had put her through with his attempt on his life. He couldn’t believe what he was saying. When she finally let go of him, he turned to looked at her. You’re not a bitch Audrey. She had her hands to her face, so he couldn’t tell if she was crying or not. He let her spill her words out, unable to grasp any words of comfort for her as he listened. This was new. He had never heard this and was really surprised to be hearing it from her mouth. Caden didn’t realize how Audrey felt about that whole situation. But from her words, it seemed like she was more effected by it then just a friend would be. Almost like… she liked him, romantically. Her next sentence confirmed it for him. Audrey, whether either of them would come out an say it out right, was confessing that Caden was more than just a friend to her. Sure, not many people would have gathered that, but if they had been around Audrey for this long and knew what Caden knew, it made perfect sense what she was saying to him. And he had been stupid to pick up the signs. It wasn’t the fact that she needed a smoke, it was the fact that she liked him and she was being anal about everything. Maybe because she thought their time together was coming to an end. Which was why she had brought up the going away business. But the word love brought him back to reality. Was she going to say that she loved him? That changed things too. But she stepped back more, shaking her head. Then she told him to leave, again. Then she walked away, to her room and closed the door. What the hell was he suppose to do? Leave? Or go after her? Maybe she wanted her privacy, and maybe he should leave. He sighed, hitting his hand against his leg in frustration. Why could Audrey tell him what she really wanted him to do? well, he was going to find out, whether she liked it or not. He walked the familiar path to her room, and knocked on the door lightly. But without waiting for an answer, he opened it, hesitating at there for a minute before walking to the edge of her bed. Audrey. He said softly. What are you trying to say? Because it’s all too confusing. Do you want me to stay or to go? He walked around the edge of the bed and sat down, pulling her up and towards him. Cause, I don’t really want to leave you…. I feel the same.. about you. He managed to finish as his eyes looked at her. He didn’t know what was going on between them, but if she really did want him to leave, he was going to have to understand what was going on between them before so. as soon as i go home and close the door WORDS: 861 TAGGED: audrey OUTFIT: sig MUSIC: nothing atm NOTES <33 template made by mikey is a lady killer ?! @ caution 2.0, steal it and she'll send zombie pandas to eat your brains!

[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[AUDREY QUINN FARROW]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: #f1f1f1] You have tamed me, now you must take me how am i supposed to be i don't have my thorns now It was interesting. As soon as Audrey walked away, she felt so light headed, not dizzy, but clear. She probably brought more understanding to herself in her rant than she had. Actually, considering how mashed together and jumbled her rant had been, it was doubtful he understood her at all. But she was too emotionally worn to turn back, say more,try to go back on it all. Pride had failed her, and her ego had been shot in the face. Needless to say, she was starting to feel like her old self again. 'I am such a dramatic bitch, I swear...' She had applied the word 'bitch' a lot to herself lately. It was more an excuse than anything she realized, but she couldn't think of another word for ho awful she'd been for the past few weeks. Selfish? Arrogant? Proud? Inconsiderate? Over dramatic? Pitiful? Oh yay, the journalist in her was still working. At least she could get back to work with no problem. But the thought of that still hurt... When Caden entered the room, she curled up into a ball, making a face he couldn't see under the pillow. God, this as the part that sucked. This was gonna burn. As cynical as she knew she was being, she needed to brace herself. Rejection was something Audrey didn't take well because no was never an answer for her. She would say "watch me" and prove people wrong. The dance situation as the first thing that she couldn't fix, no matter what, and it brought her low. And she refused to see that. She tensed when she felt him sit, but allowed him to pull her upright, and she only looked at him when he spoke. When he finished, her expression hadn't changed, but it didn't take long for a smile to start forming. It wasn't an answer she'd expected... more hoped for. She bit her lip to keep from smiling too wide, and looked at her lap before looking up at him. "...I'm sorry" she said, looking down again and taking on a more serious tone, "I'm um... you deserve an apology, and so, so much more. Because I... effed up. Bad." She shook her head. "You don't need this or deserve this and I don't want to put anything like this on you... ever. I just got to a point where... well, like a balloon. My emotions got the better of me and I just... popped." 'You almost sound like an adult' she thought, and scoffed at herself. It was incredible, how now that everything was out and said, things were so... simple. No over thinking, no over analyzing. Everything was so easy, yet so hard to put into words. "I'm trying to say I'm... a bitch. And I guess I kinda... care about you. You know like care care like you know... care..." So not all her pride was gone. She laughed at her babble, putting her hand to her head. "God Caden I didn't mean to make such a mess of everything but um... I don't want to go, and to be honest I don't want you to go... anywhere. Ever. Unless... I'm with you...? Goood, did I just say that?" She gave a dramatic display, putting her hands over her face and flopping over with her face buried in a pillow, actually smiling into it as she laughed at herself. It was like college, when they'd hang out in each other's dorms and be content just sitting on each other's bed, talking, laughing, joking. Just enjoying each other. It was a great feeling... she felt more like herself than she had in ages. Rolling over on her back, she sighed, crossing her arms over her eyes. "What I'm trying to say... in the hell of the mess that I am, is no. I don't want you to go. Ever. Because I'm a selfish bitch." And a sunset couldn't save me now tags: caden! outfit: here lyrics: baobabs, regina spektor <3 this template was made by madcap @ caution.